Original Ad: Farmer in ******, PA seeking workers for horse farm. $10/hr.
Me to Barry ******
I would like to work on your horse farm!
Barry ****** to Me
Okay, can you send me some form of resume?
Me to Barry ******
Yes!
I'm 12, actually, and my job is playing video games. But my dad wants me outside and I need horses so I might as well kill two birds with one stone.
Also, I just started a glue factory in my basement!
Barry ****** to Me
You're not getting paid with horses, especialy not if you have a glue factory in your basement?
Me to Barry ******
All I need is 1 horse/yr.
Barry ****** to Me
12 is too young to have a job, so can you please stop e-mailing me?
Me to ******
Why do you phrase everything in the form of a question? I don't get it? You're quite an odd fellow?
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Original Ad: I will fix your iPhone or iPad. $50-$500 depending on the damage.
Me to Garrett ******
How much would it cost to get this fixed?
Garrett ****** to Me
Doesn't look too bad. $75.
Me to Garrett ******
Wait, I just dropped it again.... :(
How much to get this fixed?
Garrett ****** to Me
Ouch... That's pretty bad. $250?
Garrett ****** to Me
Wait a second.. Why is the first one white and the second one black?
Me to Garrett ******
I dropped it so hard that it changed color.
Garrett ****** to Me
Okay.. Are you actually going to give me business or are you just going to joke around?
Me to Garrett ******
I dropped it again. I guess I will give you some business now.
Garrett ****** to Me
Sorry, I don't fix Nokias.
Me to Garrett ******
This isn't a Nokia, it's an iPhone.
Garrett ****** to Me
If you're not going to give me business, stop wasting my time.
Me to Garrett ******
Hang on... I just dropped it in a shredder. I really need your service now.
Garrett ****** to Me
Shut up.
Me to Garrett ******
How much would it cost to get this fixed?
Garrett ****** to Me
Doesn't look too bad. $75.
Me to Garrett ******
Wait, I just dropped it again.... :(
How much to get this fixed?
Garrett ****** to Me
Ouch... That's pretty bad. $250?
Garrett ****** to Me
Wait a second.. Why is the first one white and the second one black?
Me to Garrett ******
I dropped it so hard that it changed color.
Garrett ****** to Me
Okay.. Are you actually going to give me business or are you just going to joke around?
Me to Garrett ******
I dropped it again. I guess I will give you some business now.
Garrett ****** to Me
Sorry, I don't fix Nokias.
Me to Garrett ******
This isn't a Nokia, it's an iPhone.
Garrett ****** to Me
If you're not going to give me business, stop wasting my time.
Me to Garrett ******
Hang on... I just dropped it in a shredder. I really need your service now.
Garrett ****** to Me
Shut up.
Rubble Trouble
Original Ad: Looking for a small <1000 sq ft house that I can buy for 100k.
Me to Kyle ******
I've got a fantastic house for you.
Located in Coatesville, PA, this house is fantastic. It's only $90,000, and it's 1300 sq ft. Amazing, right?
Kyle ****** to Me
Um no that's not what I'm looking for. Sorry.
Me to Kyle ******
Don't worry! This house is fantastic. Let me give you the details.
-4 rooms: bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, and a bedroom. I accidentally locked the bedroom door from the outside, but if you can burst your way in their, it's all yours.
-A beautiful porch.
-When it rains, only around 25% of the raindrops get through the roof.
-The neighbors are very nice. They sometimes even give you meth for free!
-Great for nature lovers. There are tons of adorable squirrels and insects in here!
So, Kyle, whaddya think?
Kyle ****** to Me
No sorry that's not what I'm looking for. Thanks though.
Me to Kyle ******
Come on, Kyle. What's not to like about this house?
Kyle ****** to Me
Gee, I don't know. the only rooms it has are bathrooms, and your neighbors are on meth. Also it looks like s***.
Me to Kyle ******
No need to worry, I just opened the bedroom. Some owls have a nest there though, so you'll need to be careful when you sleep. I can kill my neighbors if you want. They're always killing people anyway so the cops will just assume they killed themselves.
Me to Kyle ******
I've got a fantastic house for you.
Located in Coatesville, PA, this house is fantastic. It's only $90,000, and it's 1300 sq ft. Amazing, right?
Kyle ****** to Me
Um no that's not what I'm looking for. Sorry.
Me to Kyle ******
Don't worry! This house is fantastic. Let me give you the details.
-4 rooms: bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, and a bedroom. I accidentally locked the bedroom door from the outside, but if you can burst your way in their, it's all yours.
-A beautiful porch.
-When it rains, only around 25% of the raindrops get through the roof.
-The neighbors are very nice. They sometimes even give you meth for free!
-Great for nature lovers. There are tons of adorable squirrels and insects in here!
So, Kyle, whaddya think?
Kyle ****** to Me
No sorry that's not what I'm looking for. Thanks though.
Me to Kyle ******
Come on, Kyle. What's not to like about this house?
Kyle ****** to Me
Gee, I don't know. the only rooms it has are bathrooms, and your neighbors are on meth. Also it looks like s***.
Me to Kyle ******
No need to worry, I just opened the bedroom. Some owls have a nest there though, so you'll need to be careful when you sleep. I can kill my neighbors if you want. They're always killing people anyway so the cops will just assume they killed themselves.
Chinese Carnivore
Original Ad: Looking for a roommate. I'm 27f and vegan. If you want to live with me you must also be vegan, help cook meals and pay half of the rent.
*********@gmail.com
Me to Samantha ******
Hey, I'd like to move in with you. I'm a 30-year-old male an also a vegan. Plus my mom and co-workers say I'm a cool guy, so you're in luck.
I'm not gonna help with the cooking because men shouldn't be in the kitchen. Also, I'm going to be at my job all day. I hunt and sell deer for a living, but I don't eat them, so I'm vegan.
And if you expect me to pay half of the rent, you're out of luck. I only get 36K a year. But if you want, I'll buy you a steak dinner every now and then to compensate. Don't worry, it's not cow steak, it's dog steak. Dogs don't qualify as animals because they're annoying.
I also have 57 hamsters. Actually, never mind, 56. One of them was eaten by the others yesterday. I kind of just let them do their own thing and run around the house. They eat scraps that fall to the ground and also each other. Sometimes they crap on the floor, but it's cool. You get used to it after a while :) Also when they die, they make fantastic smoothies!
Looking forward to moving in with you!
-Herbert Shrigis
Samantha ****** to Me
you're not a vegan. you're also completely disgusting. You let hamsters s*** all over your floor and you make smoothies out of them? That's f***ing nasty.
Are you f***ing Chinese or something, eating dog steak? And yes, dogs do qualify as animals, because they're living and they're not HUMAN. you're not moving in with me.
Me to Samantha ******
You are huge racist, no? you insurt chinese peopre for eat dog steak! dog steak great and taste good.
sincerery NOT moving in with you,
- Ching Chau Buk Lau Bing Bong Doobly Doo Wang
*********@gmail.com
Me to Samantha ******
Hey, I'd like to move in with you. I'm a 30-year-old male an also a vegan. Plus my mom and co-workers say I'm a cool guy, so you're in luck.
I'm not gonna help with the cooking because men shouldn't be in the kitchen. Also, I'm going to be at my job all day. I hunt and sell deer for a living, but I don't eat them, so I'm vegan.
And if you expect me to pay half of the rent, you're out of luck. I only get 36K a year. But if you want, I'll buy you a steak dinner every now and then to compensate. Don't worry, it's not cow steak, it's dog steak. Dogs don't qualify as animals because they're annoying.
I also have 57 hamsters. Actually, never mind, 56. One of them was eaten by the others yesterday. I kind of just let them do their own thing and run around the house. They eat scraps that fall to the ground and also each other. Sometimes they crap on the floor, but it's cool. You get used to it after a while :) Also when they die, they make fantastic smoothies!
Looking forward to moving in with you!
-Herbert Shrigis
Samantha ****** to Me
you're not a vegan. you're also completely disgusting. You let hamsters s*** all over your floor and you make smoothies out of them? That's f***ing nasty.
Are you f***ing Chinese or something, eating dog steak? And yes, dogs do qualify as animals, because they're living and they're not HUMAN. you're not moving in with me.
Me to Samantha ******
You are huge racist, no? you insurt chinese peopre for eat dog steak! dog steak great and taste good.
sincerery NOT moving in with you,
- Ching Chau Buk Lau Bing Bong Doobly Doo Wang
Psycho Needs A Lawnmower
Original Ad: Selling a lawnmower. $50. Works great.
Me to Dave ******
Hey, I'd like to take the lawnmower off of your hands. But can I have it for $23.19? That's all I managed to find in my change jar.
Dave ****** to Me
Hey, I'm not trying to start a charity, I'm trying to sell a lawnmower. You're going to have to buy one elsewhere.
Me to Dave ******
No need to be rude. But no need to worry about money, either. A kid just rode by my house on his tricycle. I think he was headed for an ice cream truck or something. I went up and punted that sucker off of his three-wheeled piece of crap and took his ice cream money. I now have $28.19. That good enough for you?
Dave ****** to Me
I hope this is some kind of a joke. Anyway, I already sold the lawnmower, so you're going to have to buy one somewhere else.
Me to Dave ******
$28.19 isn't enough for you, I get it. You Daves really love your money, don't you?
So I found some kids running a lemonade stand. I held them up with an Airsoft machine gun. They though it was the real thing. Haha!
Now I've got $42.65. Is that enough?
Dave ****** to Me
The lawnmower is SOLD.
Me to Dave ******
I just stole the tip jar from a Mcdonald's.
$49.52?
Dave ****** to Me
How many times do I have to say it? The lawnmower is no longer for sale. And if this isn't some kind of joke, you could get arrested for what you've done.
Me to Dave ******
Man, Dave, you drive a hard bargain. But I just went up to some random person on the street and beat the crap out of them. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl because they were bald. Also, it was hard to beat them up with the tubes and the wheelchair in the way.
I have $72 even now. That's more than you were originally asking. Is this finally enough?
Me to Dave ******
Hey, I'd like to take the lawnmower off of your hands. But can I have it for $23.19? That's all I managed to find in my change jar.
Dave ****** to Me
Hey, I'm not trying to start a charity, I'm trying to sell a lawnmower. You're going to have to buy one elsewhere.
Me to Dave ******
No need to be rude. But no need to worry about money, either. A kid just rode by my house on his tricycle. I think he was headed for an ice cream truck or something. I went up and punted that sucker off of his three-wheeled piece of crap and took his ice cream money. I now have $28.19. That good enough for you?
Dave ****** to Me
I hope this is some kind of a joke. Anyway, I already sold the lawnmower, so you're going to have to buy one somewhere else.
Me to Dave ******
$28.19 isn't enough for you, I get it. You Daves really love your money, don't you?
So I found some kids running a lemonade stand. I held them up with an Airsoft machine gun. They though it was the real thing. Haha!
Now I've got $42.65. Is that enough?
Dave ****** to Me
The lawnmower is SOLD.
Me to Dave ******
I just stole the tip jar from a Mcdonald's.
$49.52?
Dave ****** to Me
How many times do I have to say it? The lawnmower is no longer for sale. And if this isn't some kind of joke, you could get arrested for what you've done.
Me to Dave ******
Man, Dave, you drive a hard bargain. But I just went up to some random person on the street and beat the crap out of them. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl because they were bald. Also, it was hard to beat them up with the tubes and the wheelchair in the way.
I have $72 even now. That's more than you were originally asking. Is this finally enough?
Game Boy
(My first real post here, this is exciting!)
Original Ad: Looking for a original Game boy. Paying $15.
Me to Josh ******
Hey, I've got an original Game Boy for you. Only problem is the screen has one dead pixel. You still want it?
Josh ****** to Me
Sure, i'll take it. what color is it? and is it $15
Me to Josh ******
Here are the details.
-It was originally sort of whitish-grey, but I spray-painted it a rich red. It looks great! The paint is starting to chip, though. So now it's faded red with greyish spots.
-The B button does not work because the spray paint messed it up. Sorry!
-I know I said the screen only has one dead pixel, but I dropped it in my toilet this morning so now about a quarter of the screen is dead. It also sort of smells like crap and urine now.
$15.
Josh ****** to Me
thats disgusting! why the f*** would I want a gameboy that smells like s*** and barely even f***ing works. Youre a complete fool, and who the f*** plays there gameboy on the toilet and then drops the d*mn thing in? go f*** with someone else
Me to Josh ******
Sorry! I'll include some Lysol for an extra $10.
You seem kind of upset, but I assure you this Game Boy is a fantastic machine. I was playing Pokemon Fire Red on it the other day, and it only crashed twice. The framerate seems to be around 7 fps, a fantastic amount for such an antique.
However, I forgot one thing. My kid poured rubber cement into the charger port, so it's not able to charge anymore. There should be around half an hour left on the battery. This isn't too much of an issue. You can just keep buying new batteries.
Josh ****** to Me
hang on a sec. if it has a charger port and you can play fire red, thats a game boy advance, retard.
Me to Josh ******
Retard? You're calling me a retard? You're the one who is choosing a glorified brick which is basically a piece of crap with gigantic AA batteries in it, over a state-of-the-art, legendary, Fire Red-playing console. Who's the retard now, retard?
Josh ****** to Me
i'm done with you. bye.
Original Ad: Looking for a original Game boy. Paying $15.
Me to Josh ******
Hey, I've got an original Game Boy for you. Only problem is the screen has one dead pixel. You still want it?
Josh ****** to Me
Sure, i'll take it. what color is it? and is it $15
Me to Josh ******
Here are the details.
-It was originally sort of whitish-grey, but I spray-painted it a rich red. It looks great! The paint is starting to chip, though. So now it's faded red with greyish spots.
-The B button does not work because the spray paint messed it up. Sorry!
-I know I said the screen only has one dead pixel, but I dropped it in my toilet this morning so now about a quarter of the screen is dead. It also sort of smells like crap and urine now.
$15.
Josh ****** to Me
thats disgusting! why the f*** would I want a gameboy that smells like s*** and barely even f***ing works. Youre a complete fool, and who the f*** plays there gameboy on the toilet and then drops the d*mn thing in? go f*** with someone else
Me to Josh ******
Sorry! I'll include some Lysol for an extra $10.
You seem kind of upset, but I assure you this Game Boy is a fantastic machine. I was playing Pokemon Fire Red on it the other day, and it only crashed twice. The framerate seems to be around 7 fps, a fantastic amount for such an antique.
However, I forgot one thing. My kid poured rubber cement into the charger port, so it's not able to charge anymore. There should be around half an hour left on the battery. This isn't too much of an issue. You can just keep buying new batteries.
Josh ****** to Me
hang on a sec. if it has a charger port and you can play fire red, thats a game boy advance, retard.
Me to Josh ******
Retard? You're calling me a retard? You're the one who is choosing a glorified brick which is basically a piece of crap with gigantic AA batteries in it, over a state-of-the-art, legendary, Fire Red-playing console. Who's the retard now, retard?
Josh ****** to Me
i'm done with you. bye.
Let's Start This
I created this website because I was upset that dontevenreply.com wasn't being updated anymore.
This is pretty much the same thing. Just not quite as funny.
This is pretty much the same thing. Just not quite as funny.
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